my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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