omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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