No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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