the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
