Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
