I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
