Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
