I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
