we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
