matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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