so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
worst night to have a conscience
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
