well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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