these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
