I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
