Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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