I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
