when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
