We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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