It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
