I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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