Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
