Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
