Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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