I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
