I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
