I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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