Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
