Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
