After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
