had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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