I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
