anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
