dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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