She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
