cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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