omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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