I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
