Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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