I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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