Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
