dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He better not be in your backpack
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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