no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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