Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
