The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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