You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
