I cannot find my penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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