I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
