We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
