Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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