I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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