i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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