I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
