I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
