He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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